Become Your Own Bliss

5 Types of People to Avoid



I have been blessed to know some of the most amazing people in the world. My family, friends, and mentors have been absolutely instrumental when it comes to my health, sanity, and work. As I have been blessed by people, I have also experienced my fair share of undesirable characters.

I mention often to not judge people, because it does very little good. However, it is necessary to be aware of who people are based on the patterns of behavior they have consistently exhibited in the past. The older I get, the more I realize that certain characteristic traits are intrinsic and beyond modification. Some of those traits are undesirable and downright toxic.

Below are categories of people who have exhibited behavior attributed to each label time and time again. It wasn't due to a circumstance like catching them on a bad day. I've encountered many versions and combinations of these characteristics in people I've associated with. Many of them are no longer on my social radar because ain't nobody got time to deal with this level of nonsense.

The 5 Types of People to Avoid 

The Flake

The Flake gets the top spot on this list because more often than not, dealing with a flake involves that person making you feel like their friend, gaining your trust which in turn provokes you to invite him to parties and other important functions or tasks only for him to make some dumb excuse at the last minute about why he can't make it. Or, he agrees to do something important for you then loses your number altogether and he's never heard from again. You end up feeling puzzled at first, because that person was so aspartamely sweet, but then you soon realize it was all a front and the flake might as well be a fake because he didn't mean any of it to begin with. 

Don't give people like this space in your life; you'll continually be disappointed, and you'll believe you have someone on your side when you really don't.

Full Disclosure: I confess, I have been known to miss a wedding or two (mostly because I f'n hate weddings, no matter how much I love the person - the event makes me anxious), but I'm mostly pretty good about keeping all other commitments.  

The Egomaniac

You know the one I'm talking about. The person who does and says things that are beyond realm of comprehension. Like the bridesmaid who forgot your marriage ceremony was a week away because she was too caught up in demanding that the Universe makes her soon-to be ex-boyfriend to be miserable without her. She wishes suffering to those who don't cater to her whims and she feels like the world owes her everything. She's the person who the relationship or friendship is all about. It must be her way or the highway, and if you don't tell her what she wants to hear, it's your fault she's having a bad day. 

Drop this hot potato. You will end up spending more time outside of the relationship working through frustration you experience within it. You'll find yourself complaining to your other friends and your pets about the level of incomprehensible megalomania this person brings to the table. If you really want to be proactive, check out these symptoms for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and if they sound familiar, nudge the Egomaniac you know to maybe go and get help. 

The Closeted Hater

Ooooh, these take years to recognize at times. I've learned that closeted haters are, more often than not, close family or friends. She dons the cheerleader outfit for you, pigtails, pom-poms and all, but the second you leave the room, you might as well be the dog excrement stuck to the bottom of her shoe. She is an enthusiastic friend and confidant but you have an inkling there is a level of maliciousness simmering beneath the surface. It's in her eyes; it's in her intonation when she says certain things. The friendship with her feels good superficially but leaves you with a level of uncertainty. The turning point is usually when a mutual friend approaches you and say, "Hey did you know that So-and-So was telling us...not...good...things...?" You gasp in shock and horror but deep down you knew it was happening. So that's why she always makes snarky comments. Mm-Hmmmm.

Toxic, Toxic, Toxic. Having this person in your life is the soul equivalent of sticking a cigarette dipped in heroin into a hot dog and eating it. That probably won't taste very good, and leaves you with the same sort of aftertaste as the way this person leaves you feeling. Remember that your time is your currency. Do not give it freely away to people who leave you feeling bad or unsure of yourself, just because you've known that person all of your life. Set your boundaries. Keep a safe distance, because if you don't protect yourself from this kind of hatred, no one else can do it for you.

The Saboteur

Ah, this friend is my favorite. The one who binge smokes and drinks in front of you after you tell him that you're in the middle of trying to quit smoking and not drink so much. He orders 3 large pizzas after you tell him that you've been eating healthier. Remember that hottie you met last night that you were too shy to ask digits from? He's on a date with her tonight. At first he's irritating, but then you wonder if bro fam is out to ruin your chances at ever achieving anything in life. 

From what I've experienced, these people straight up hate themselves. They get off on competing with you without your consent. They, either intentionally or unconsciously set you up for failure so they come out ahead. Leave this person alone unless you want to be on the losing end of a friendship - and of life for the duration of your relationship. Why keep spending time with someone who wants you to hate your life as much as they hate theirs?

Lastly, we have 

The Leech

She's the friend who has the worst case of the Gimme Gimme's. She takes and takes and takes and never even so much as offers to contribute anything meaningful to your life. The taking doesn't necessarily have to be material; there are energetic leeches out there who are far more dangerous than someone who comes over and drinks up all your drink and eats up all your food then raids your closet. She leaves you wondering what value she brings to the friendship and you're probably still asking that question as you read this. 

At first the friendship with this feels good because it feeds your altruistic craving. It doesn't take long for you to feel funky whenever the leech comes around. Eventually you dread spending time with this type of person. So, don't. Leave them be. Let someone else be drained of joy and blood. 

I realize that as humans, we all carry a trace of the tendencies at least one of these characters possess. However, it's really important that we acknowledge which people don't feel right. It's also extremely beneficial to be aware of the cues people give us. None of us are the best people all the time, and that's to be expected. It's about knowing when to cut the cord to someone who is draining you. 

Draw your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that it's time to move forward with an open heart for some potentially awesome friends because you are, after all, as good as the people you surround yourself with. 

Collaborate, Don't Compete

http://cdn6.triplepundit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Top-Ten.jpg

Ladies,
When I see a woman doing big things, creating a name for herself (in my industry or another one), my first instinct is to get to know her. I usually reach out to see how I can help elevate her and her work. I don't ever view other founders/CEOs/entrepreneurs as competition. That's an antiquated, inherited mindset.
Collaborations await. There's enough room at the top for all of us. Reach out to people who can elevate you. Elevate others. That's how you establish relationships that will help you and your business grow.
The top isn't meant to be lonely; it's meant to be the place where you throw a party!
Vx

Breaking Up Is Fun To Do


OK, so maybe they're not FUN to do, but they sure are necessary.

This guy I used to kind of but not really date once tried to tell me who I could and could not speak to, so I NOPED all over our relationship and kept it movin'.

I think our last conversation went something like, "I'll talk to whoever the f... I damn well please. Bye."

I tell this story because I am fairly certain that because of all the hype that's generated with Valentine's Day, some folks were severely disappointed, and others (might I dare) woke up this morning solo, when they thought they had a pretty good thing going.

If you are in a relationship and your gut is telling you that you shouldn't be in it, chances are high that your instincts are right. When I was a teen-aged lass, I dated this dude for what ended up being 5 years. That is half a decade and we broke up when I was in my early 20s. I was with him for a quarter of my life at the time. That's a long-ass time, if you ask me.

Anyway, this guy, we'll call him "Bro," for the sake of privacy and my refusal to admit to his identity, talked me out of breaking up with him at our 2.5 year mark. I was bored with him. I felt no spark. I was beginning to explore other dating opportunities - he was SO damn boring. I'm sure someone out there would have found him great, I was just ready to move on.

I tried to break up with him. "No more," I said. "I'm bored and I don't feel anything for you anymore. I think it's time we went our separate ways." My young, people-pleasing self screwed me when he said that it was normal to feel that way because the "honeymoon" phase is over. Even then, my 19 year-old mind thought, "There's gotta be more to this," but I went against my gut and stayed for another couple of years until he broke up with me out of nowhere. My heart shattered into a million pieces on the floor.

I cried. A lot. I cried in the shower, I cried in bed, I cried while I was driving (bad idea). I cried to my dog. I cried, not because we ended. Not because he left me, but partially because he was no longer in my daily habits and because I had never experienced that type of alone-ness before. I cried because I didn't kick his ass to the curb first when I should have. Then, I tried to cry to my mom. Who, in her wisdom said, "It's been a week. You're still crying. Don't you think you've wasted enough time on this guy? Is crying making you feel better? Do you think he's crying because he left you? Give yourself a few more times to cry then stop. Tell yourself that you've had enough and leave the memory of him be. You don't need him to be happy."

It wasn't long before I realized that being single was an upgrade. He was kind of a bum. I paid for everything. He was boring (did I mention that already?) and we didn't even have the same sense of humor, nor did we have chemistry. Who I was when I was 15 did not want the same things as my 5-years-later-version self.

It was then that I made myself a promise. That I would no longer settle for someone just because I got comfortable, and that I would, from then on, refuse to stay with a person in a relationship purely to save their hurt feelings. I guarantee you there's someone out there who's more suitable for your awesome self.

When the heart tells you to move on, do it, because life is short and you deserve someone awesome who makes you feel like a kid on Christmas morning every day (most days, anyway) of your life. 

Spring Detox: Clear Away the Bull$#!+


My favorite time of year is upon us once again. Springtime summons blooming flowers, longer days, and shorter skirts. The urge to begin anew rears its pretty little head, along with the inevitable need to clear out the old.

Bad habits, toxic friends, a job you hate, are a few examples of the things in life that may take away your joy. Giving space to any of the above keeps you trapped in a cycle of tolerance for bullshit that you shouldn't subject yourself to. Yes, quitting smoking isn't easy, and you may have known that friend your entire life. I'm sure that job sustains you in some way, but is it fulfilling you?

If it does not serve you well, slowly work it out of your life. There is no shame in evolving, and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. 

Kick that habit. 
Send that friend on his/her merry way. 
Figure out your life purpose and chase it with all your heart and soul. 

No more excuses. 

Who the F#%& Cares if You're Single for Valentine's Day

One is NOT the loneliest number.


Today is the day before Valentine's Day. Yuck. Truth be told, I've always rolled my eyes at the commercialization of a day that plays into people's vulnerabilities. If you're attached on Valentine's Day, you will feel obligated to purchase a sweet or sparkly (possibly expensive) gift for that special someone to conform to social standards of expressing your love and admiration. If you're single, they aim to make you feel shit out of luck - you scramble to find a date with your neat dating app or you take a bestie or yourself alone out to dinner, and if you do the latter, you run the risk of sitting at a table for one surrounded by couples. Possibly feeling awkward over a bowl of your favorite pasta dish, you wash that down with a bottle of wine and top it off with dessert for two eaten by one. 

I LOVED being single. When I say I loved it, I actually mean I loved the living hell out of my unattached status. Mostly because I knew that not having a significant other did not define who I was as a woman. I had so much fun you wouldn't believe my stories if I told you. Around this time of year, though, I felt a certain tug at my soul that subconsciously caused me to crave not feeling so alone. I fell for the Valentine's Day crush and rushed out to purchase lingerie I inevitably wore for myself. Everyone else seems to have had someone. In commercials, in the park where I ran, every freaking where every freaking person seemed madly in love, except for me. 

That's how the commercial industry wants you to feel. This is where the next bump in revenues comes from post-holiday season. If it weren't for Valentine's Day, the most people would be rushing out to buy is swimwear or Spring line fashion. Don't buy into it. Don't allow yourself feel bad for flying solo on a day that has violent roots that has magically been proclaimed to force lovers to purchase gifts for one another. You won't be single forever (unless you choose to be). 

"When the soul is ready, the mate appears." ~Unknown

Embrace your singlehood as the sacred time to spend with yourself. Indulge in luxurious self care. Read a book that lights your soul up. Connect with the bliss within. 

Don't let some stupid day out of the year (and the people who enjoy celebrating it) make you feel bad. When you meet the right person for you, Valentine's Day won't make a difference because every day will be full of surprise and gifts and boundless, unadulterated loved-by-the-best-person-ever bliss.

What do you love most about being single? 

How do you celebrate yourself on a daily basis? 

What are you looking forward to in a mate?

Full Disclosure: I do love Tiffany's (it's what my husband gave me for our first Valentine's Day together) but I have informed my loverman to only shower me with luxury gifts during worthy celebratory occasions and not hyper-commercialized ones.

Now


The key to bliss lies in not waiting.

Don't wait for a circumstance.
Don't wait for a person.
Don't wait for your future to pass you by.

The only thing that exists in the realm of utmost joy is now because it is impossible to cling to the bliss in the past as it is impossible to predict the bliss that lies ahead.

Choose now as your moment, because your birthright awaits to be summoned.

Because You Are Only As Good As...


I learned recently that regardless of how deeply I practice mindfulness, I have the tendency to echo my surroundings. It's human nature. We are hard-wired to learn from those who occupy space around us. It doesn't mean a person is weak-minded if they are strongly influenced by friends or relatives; it means they that person is human.

If you want to be powerful, surround yourself with powerful people.
If you want to be intelligent, surround yourself with intelligent people.
If you want to become a millionaire, surround yourself with millionaires.

If you want to be great and you surround yourself with people who won't elevate you, you will fall prey to the human inclination of conforming to your surroundings. Don't let this happen.

Be a person of value and values. Be honest about what you want and the type of person you see yourself becoming. Don't entrap yourself because you feel obligated to stay friends with someone all your life.

Allow yourself to be elevate and elevate others. It's the only way to explore your potential.  

Challenges

My husband recently had a medical procedure done. No biggie, nothing to be startled about, it's just that running the house, working, and caring for the hubs while finding time to do anything for myself has proven to be challenging. I have relied on my agenda to keep appointments and tasks flowing.

As long as I stay organized, I'm fine. Challenges precede growth. This experience is preparing me for grueling schedules that lie ahead. I am deeply grateful and deeply in love. I do one thing that comes naturally during this time to nourish and sustain us. I make a shit ton of juice and smoothies!

The Proper Way to Reach Out to People Online



I'm no stranger to making friends online. Opening up meaningful correspondence, especially with someone I admire, is something I love doing. It's about reaching out and giving a warm, tight, virtual hug to someone. These days, it's so much easier to reach practically anyone because of social media and emails. The first piece of fan mail I wrote was to Janet Jackson when I was 8. I'm not exactly sure what I wrote, but I remember that I also sent her a First Communion photo (oy!).

This can go one of 3 ways: the correct way to start a conversation, the wrong way, and trolling. 

We'll start with trolling. It happens. I've been on the receiving end of it, but it's something I easily shrug off. Don't troll people. It screams, "I hate my life so I'm making it my mission to try to make you hate yours." Take up knitting instead. 

The wrong way to reach out someone is to write a message like this. 

Hey. I heard you write. What can you tell me about writing. Can you help me with it?

I promise you I will not respond to messages like this, and I can assure you that writing to anyone with this flat tone will end with the same result. No response. Immediately upon reading this, I thought. Uh, Hi. Who are you, and why should I do anything for you? No greeting, No introduction, Just GIMME GIMME GIMME.

Dear Coco Chanel,

My name is Veronica, and I hope this message reaches you beautifully. I wanted to take time today to write you a line to let you know how much you've inspired me. You've revolutionized an industry and have taught lil' ol' me to adore my body by way of wearing your designs. 

(You get the gist.)

Thank you for taking the time to read this today, and I hope you enjoy a gorgeous week. 

Yours, 

Me


See? Old-fashioned, letter-writing goodness. Tell the recipient of your message how they make you feel. It's feedback they'll never forget, and coming from a sincere place will result in the reader feeling your genuine emotions. 

This also helps when you're writing copy. Use this format. It'll help you get more response. 

Spring is Coming!!!

The spring countdown is ON! 

I am so incredibly stoked for spring! Flowers, sunshine, boat rides, running outdoors. Tons of salad and fruit.

What are you most looking forward to in terms of spring?

Do Uncomfortable Things

 For years I have been ignoring the yearning in my soul to return to college. I left so I could dip my toes into entrepreneurial waters. I thought that finishing my college degree would teach me to go against my instincts, because I had studied so many successful entrepreneurs who left school to do their thing. Years later and here I am, with my inner student crying to break out. I'm due to renew my Nutrition and Wellness Consultant Certification, and I have taken this opportunity to once again place the student hat back upon my head.

I'm thrilled to be returning to school. Investing my time in my education is something that will benefit me and my work greatly. I am so excited to grow into the next level of coaching and writing.

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Information and ideas expressed on any and all websites, videos, books, and coaching calls, written, owned, operated, and conducted by Veronica N. Cuyugan and The Blissification Company, LLC is not meant to take the place of legal or medical advice. Coaching results may vary.