I have been blessed to know some of the most amazing people in the world. My family, friends, and mentors have been absolutely instrumental when it comes to my health, sanity, and work. As I have been blessed by people, I have also experienced my fair share of undesirable characters.
I mention often to not judge people, because it does very little good. However, it is necessary to be aware of who people are based on the patterns of behavior they have consistently exhibited in the past. The older I get, the more I realize that certain characteristic traits are intrinsic and beyond modification. Some of those traits are undesirable and downright toxic.
Below are categories of people who have exhibited behavior attributed to each label time and time again. It wasn't due to a circumstance like catching them on a bad day. I've encountered many versions and combinations of these characteristics in people I've associated with. Many of them are no longer on my social radar because ain't nobody got time to deal with this level of nonsense.
The 5 Types of People to Avoid
The Flake gets the top spot on this list because more often than not, dealing with a flake involves that person making you feel like their friend, gaining your trust which in turn provokes you to invite him to parties and other important functions or tasks only for him to make some dumb excuse at the last minute about why he can't make it. Or, he agrees to do something important for you then loses your number altogether and he's never heard from again. You end up feeling puzzled at first, because that person was so aspartamely sweet, but then you soon realize it was all a front and the flake might as well be a fake because he didn't mean any of it to begin with.
Don't give people like this space in your life; you'll continually be disappointed, and you'll believe you have someone on your side when you really don't.
Full Disclosure: I confess, I have been known to miss a wedding or two (mostly because I f'n hate weddings, no matter how much I love the person - the event makes me anxious), but I'm mostly pretty good about keeping all other commitments.
You know the one I'm talking about. The person who does and says things that are beyond realm of comprehension. Like the bridesmaid who forgot your marriage ceremony was a week away because she was too caught up in demanding that the Universe makes her soon-to be ex-boyfriend to be miserable without her. She wishes suffering to those who don't cater to her whims and she feels like the world owes her everything. She's the person who the relationship or friendship is all about. It must be her way or the highway, and if you don't tell her what she wants to hear, it's your fault she's having a bad day.
Drop this hot potato. You will end up spending more time outside of the relationship working through frustration you experience within it. You'll find yourself complaining to your other friends and your pets about the level of incomprehensible megalomania this person brings to the table. If you really want to be proactive, check out these symptoms for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and if they sound familiar, nudge the Egomaniac you know to maybe go and get help.
The Closeted Hater
Ooooh, these take years to recognize at times. I've learned that closeted haters are, more often than not, close family or friends. She dons the cheerleader outfit for you, pigtails, pom-poms and all, but the second you leave the room, you might as well be the dog excrement stuck to the bottom of her shoe. She is an enthusiastic friend and confidant but you have an inkling there is a level of maliciousness simmering beneath the surface. It's in her eyes; it's in her intonation when she says certain things. The friendship with her feels good superficially but leaves you with a level of uncertainty. The turning point is usually when a mutual friend approaches you and say, "Hey did you know that So-and-So was telling us...not...good...things...?" You gasp in shock and horror but deep down you knew it was happening. So that's why she always makes snarky comments. Mm-Hmmmm.
Toxic, Toxic, Toxic. Having this person in your life is the soul equivalent of sticking a cigarette dipped in heroin into a hot dog and eating it. That probably won't taste very good, and leaves you with the same sort of aftertaste as the way this person leaves you feeling. Remember that your time is your currency. Do not give it freely away to people who leave you feeling bad or unsure of yourself, just because you've known that person all of your life. Set your boundaries. Keep a safe distance, because if you don't protect yourself from this kind of hatred, no one else can do it for you.
Ah, this friend is my favorite. The one who binge smokes and drinks in front of you after you tell him that you're in the middle of trying to quit smoking and not drink so much. He orders 3 large pizzas after you tell him that you've been eating healthier. Remember that hottie you met last night that you were too shy to ask digits from? He's on a date with her tonight. At first he's irritating, but then you wonder if bro fam is out to ruin your chances at ever achieving anything in life.
From what I've experienced, these people straight up hate themselves. They get off on competing with you without your consent. They, either intentionally or unconsciously set you up for failure so they come out ahead. Leave this person alone unless you want to be on the losing end of a friendship - and of life for the duration of your relationship. Why keep spending time with someone who wants you to hate your life as much as they hate theirs?
Lastly, we have
She's the friend who has the worst case of the Gimme Gimme's. She takes and takes and takes and never even so much as offers to contribute anything meaningful to your life. The taking doesn't necessarily have to be material; there are energetic leeches out there who are far more dangerous than someone who comes over and drinks up all your drink and eats up all your food then raids your closet. She leaves you wondering what value she brings to the friendship and you're probably still asking that question as you read this.
At first the friendship with this feels good because it feeds your altruistic craving. It doesn't take long for you to feel funky whenever the leech comes around. Eventually you dread spending time with this type of person. So, don't. Leave them be. Let someone else be drained of joy and blood.