Become Your Own Bliss


Well, my goodness...  It has been quite I while since I last wrote publicly, since I have, since January deactivated my Facebook page.  Everyone it seems, dove face-first into the social media trend out of boredom, loneliness, or both.  When I first started using Myspace over a decade ago, and eventually signed up for Facebook around 2006, I did so mainly to keep in better touch with family I have overseas.  Then came the need to keep in better touch with those I created fragile bonds with in elementary, middle, then high school.  This, thing...this newly-found need I felt was necessary in order to feel some kind of connection to people, almost a billion people can relate to.  I never thought of myself as the type of person to need to hide from others, or to shield myself from those who do not mean me well.  During the advent of my need to let those who became part of my social world know every little detail about every mundane action that was a part of my life, it became overkill.  During my late teens, early twenties, there were the atypical scandalous photos, depicting me in my less sober moments.  The occasional scribble that indicated the debauchery I was once so famous among my social circle for.  The little pleasures that I meant to enjoy privately, yet ended up somehow posting about while it was still happening, as if the publicity of it made the moment all the more delicious.  I did not like the trend I was noticing.  I felt like my actions were meaningless unless any and everyone connected to me knew what I was up to.  It felt unhealthy.  Everyday occurrences no longer felt organic.  At one point a couple of years ago, because of the circus that had become my life, I felt like a freak show.  Even acquaintances I only saw every once in a while pointed out my reckless habits.  

After spending some time in the cocoon I am still indulging in, I now realize what my problem was.  Like most people, I was constantly surrounded by people, and still felt lonely.  I wasn't ever sad about it, nor did I dwell on it, but I felt like the more people knew about what I was doing, what I was up to, the more they would care.  I guess that's what I used to tell myself.  Dependence upon social media, or addiction to airing dirty laundry can be either therapeutic or very dangerous.  Given the number of people who are addicted to media, whether it be via smart phone, Facebook, Twitter, etc., I don't think the coming generations will have a proper grasp of what it is to make that human connection.  I often see teenagers texting each other, while alone, as they sit side by side on a bench.  I see men and women at the park, briskly walking toward a more healthy version of themselves - while talking on their cell phones.  It makes me wonder if this nearly unhealthy need to keep in touch is the result of extremely busy, productive lives, or a futile attempt to avoid loneliness.

In my humble opinion, a person who is surrounded by people can feel lonely, for loneliness is a choice.  It isn't a sickness, it's a human condition.  Take myself, for example.  I spend most of my time alone.  This is done deliberately.  I relish in the time I have in solitude.

To put it in terms less abstract, you can say I feel like the moon.  There are stars surrounding it, from far away, it knows that they are out there, they are always going to be scattered about it's proximity, with a few that fly by every once in a while.  But the moon does its job.  It shines brightly, happily in the darkness, cutting the black of night with its glowing, cratered face.  


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