Become Your Own Bliss

Breaking Up Is Fun To Do

OK, so maybe they're not FUN to do, but they sure are necessary.

This guy I used to kind of but not really date once tried to tell me who I could and could not speak to, so I NOPED all over our relationship and kept it movin'.

I think our last conversation went something like, "I'll talk to whoever the f... I damn well please. Bye."

I tell this story because I am fairly certain that because of all the hype that's generated with Valentine's Day, some folks were severely disappointed, and others (might I dare) woke up this morning solo, when they thought they had a pretty good thing going.

If you are in a relationship and your gut is telling you that you shouldn't be in it, chances are high that your instincts are right. When I was a teen-aged lass, I dated this dude for what ended up being 5 years. That is half a decade and we broke up when I was in my early 20s. I was with him for a quarter of my life at the time. That's a long-ass time, if you ask me.

Anyway, this guy, we'll call him "Bro," for the sake of privacy and my refusal to admit to his identity, talked me out of breaking up with him at our 2.5 year mark. I was bored with him. I felt no spark. I was beginning to explore other dating opportunities - he was SO damn boring. I'm sure someone out there would have found him great, I was just ready to move on.

I tried to break up with him. "No more," I said. "I'm bored and I don't feel anything for you anymore. I think it's time we went our separate ways." My young, people-pleasing self screwed me when he said that it was normal to feel that way because the "honeymoon" phase is over. Even then, my 19 year-old mind thought, "There's gotta be more to this," but I went against my gut and stayed for another couple of years until he broke up with me out of nowhere. My heart shattered into a million pieces on the floor.

I cried. A lot. I cried in the shower, I cried in bed, I cried while I was driving (bad idea). I cried to my dog. I cried, not because we ended. Not because he left me, but partially because he was no longer in my daily habits and because I had never experienced that type of alone-ness before. I cried because I didn't kick his ass to the curb first when I should have. Then, I tried to cry to my mom. Who, in her wisdom said, "It's been a week. You're still crying. Don't you think you've wasted enough time on this guy? Is crying making you feel better? Do you think he's crying because he left you? Give yourself a few more times to cry then stop. Tell yourself that you've had enough and leave the memory of him be. You don't need him to be happy."

It wasn't long before I realized that being single was an upgrade. He was kind of a bum. I paid for everything. He was boring (did I mention that already?) and we didn't even have the same sense of humor, nor did we have chemistry. Who I was when I was 15 did not want the same things as my 5-years-later-version self.

It was then that I made myself a promise. That I would no longer settle for someone just because I got comfortable, and that I would, from then on, refuse to stay with a person in a relationship purely to save their hurt feelings. I guarantee you there's someone out there who's more suitable for your awesome self.

When the heart tells you to move on, do it, because life is short and you deserve someone awesome who makes you feel like a kid on Christmas morning every day (most days, anyway) of your life. 


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