I guess I'm just different. I try not to bring out the ugliness in people. Relationships without peace are not relationships I find value in. By feeling, as well as observing my way through what keeps meaningful relationships meaningful, I don't dwell on stuff that makes me feel bad. I have unintentionally developed a few rules that I subconsciously follow when it comes to how I deal with people I care about. I realize that the words Never, Always, and Forever are unrealistic and overused, but for emphasis, I will use them.
In no particular order:
Efforts Toward Drama Reduction
The Platinum Rule
Emotionally speaking, Handle people the way THEY want to be handled. I am not egocentric enough to believe that people want to be handled the same way as me. How they want to be handled has nothing to do with what I want. I observe and learn before I act.
Be Honest
As a human being, sure, the slip of the tongue is a temptation, but it is not inevitable. There is no valid excuse for lying, unless I am trying to protect someone from information that can really harm them.
Be Kind
Being nice has been viewed by many - mostly by people who are assholes, as a weakness. It's not. It makes my life a more pleasant place to live, while making people around me feel special. Taking out my bad day on a poor, innocent loved one will only keep me feeling bad and will make someone feel unnecessarily worse.
Do Not Subject One's Self to Unlikable People
This one is easy. If I don't like you, I won't see you. Why would I put myself in a situation that calls for tolerating someone I do not want to be around? Unless it's a coworker, or a family member I see like, once every ten years, I am not obligated, so I don't do it.
Learn When to Stop Turning the Other Cheek
I expect people to screw up. It's a part of life. There is a difference between being human and someone who straight up does not give a damn about me. Sure, the Bible says... But if I don't end the madness, I can't expect anyone else to end it for me. I prefer this sentiment, "Once you turn the other cheek, and it too, is smitten, walk away in order to help the striker to stop striking." If someone hurts me once, and I want to forgive them, fine. But I can't be surprised after the second, third, fourth, fiftieth times.
Douchebags Do Not Magically Turn into Puppies
No matter how much I love a person, I know that nothing I say or do will make him/her change. Loving someone means loving unconditionally, meaning, I knew how they were before I loved them. Expecting them to change because of me is unfair to both them and me.
When Something Bugs Me, I'm Gonna Tell You
Of course I will address the issue in a calm, collected manner. I will be nice about it, but we will have a discussion. I have a hard time tiptoeing around things, and I used to keep it in, so as not to risk exploding on someone, but that is not the healthiest way to cope. Plus, if I don't say, how will they know?
Want, Not Need
I need air, water, food. I don't need someone. The people in my life are here because I want them to be here. Needing a man or a friend happens when there has been a life trauma. Under normal circumstances, I can't wrap my mind around needing someone as being a healthy mindset. "I want you." Sounds a heck of a lot better (and more sane, in my opinion), than "I need you." I have heard this, it scared me enough to make me run far, far away.
Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice
Although the "I Told You So," moments are projected to be gratifying, they really aren't that big of a deal. It's like watching a train crash, while I'm jumping up and down in the grass by the tracks yelling, begging, screaming for the conductor to hit the brakes, but they won't. All they see is the mural painted on the brick wall. The wall does not exist for them until they smash into it. Same thing with bad situations + relationships + stubborn people.
Be a Source of Encouragement
Unless I have walked in their shoes, worn their outfit, glasses, seen what they have seen, heard what they've heard, felt what they've felt...I know I have no place to make a judgement, I can only cheer them on. People who ask for advice are different, although even in this case, people will only learn through experience.
Be the Type of Person You Want to be Around
If you like happy people, be happy. If you like miserable people, be miserable. If you like smart people, brush up on your knowledge. If you like people who bring you cupcakes, bring people cupcakes. If you like getting compliments, give them. Even if it isn't reciprocated, it keeps me happy (not to be confused with the Platinum Rule.)
Always Forgive
The phrase, "Love your enemies." is not meant for my enemies; it was meant for me. I do not want to hold in my heart the wrongs that have been done against me if I want to live a happy life. From experience, I know that when I hold on to what's negative, it will somehow manifest itself in my existence. Grudges are simply not worth it. I go through the thing, learn something, forgive, then let go.
There is no magic formula when it comes to dealing with people I love and how crazy they have driven me. Although at one point, I thought this was the trick:
I became a hermit because it became difficult to trust anyone around me. But keeping too closely to myself, I realize, is not a healthy state. I learned that being guarded is necessary, especially when I love someone - I always have to remember love myself more. After all, no one is expected to give me protection if I do not make the effort to protect myself.
I'm a realist. I know what to expect of people. I don't expect everyone to be like the friend/boyfriend before them, but I do know that I could love Someone until the ends of the Earth, but that will not stop Them from lying, cheating, or doing wrong by me. I am well aware of this. We humans are feeble minded and error-prone. I'll be the first to admit it - I will do what will benefit me. The reason I will do my best to not lie, not cheat, not do wrong by someone, is because I love Them enough to be good to them. Isn't this how we all really are?
