A little less than a year ago, I came across a profound statement.

Time is the most valuable currency.

This struck me as an epiphany because ever since I had been able to work, I, like most people, was mistaken in thinking that the only time that had value in it was when I was on the clock for a job.  I am so thankful that an enlightened soul shared this notion.  Life is so incredibly short.  It saddens me that people's lives are so filled with having to earn a living and not spending enough time enjoying whatever pleases them.  

There are many people who are unable to get work right now.  To them, I want to say.  When you spend your time doing something, whether it be at a job, or with a person, you invest your time.  I understand that life is stressful and bills need to be paid, but if you are still here, without risking sounding insensitive or condescending, I will dare to say it could be so much worse.  No amount of money can buy you more time.  For as long as you are still here, things will get better.  They might get worse before they get better, but if you're all the way down in the downy-dumps, as they say, there is nowhere else to go but up.  

When you are wealthy in the time department, enrich your life and the lives of those around you.  Teach yourself something new, even if you can't afford to go back to school, indulge yourself at the public library.  Teach yourself how to sew, paint, crochet, dance - Find Your Thing.  Then, do your thing.  Feed your soul.  Find your joy.  Time is of the essence, and every second wasted is a second you can never earn back.  Just because you are jobless, does not make you worthless.  Invest your time in yourself, invest your time wisely.  Unemployment leaves you free to do whatever you've always wanted to do, but couldn't, because you had to commit your time to work.  Your time to work will come again, and in your free moments, you can go back to doing that thing you didn't know you loved to do.

I came upon a box today.  When I opened it, out came sheets of my past - all the things I thought I had left behind, I suddenly held within my hands.  The handwriting upon the paper brought back memories.  All the bad came back in waves, then the good flushed through my soul, as if none of it ever went away.  It felt as though all the good things that they were a part of had been a part of me all this time, I had only simply forgotten.  I then came across it.  The piece of tangible memory that brought me all the way back.  Funny how time has a way of hiding things.  I thought all of this had been erased, it hadn't been.  It's still here.  All of it - the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly.  The painful memories resonate the most.  I think it's because I am wired to equate surviving pain to be synonymous with power.

Sometimes, the greatest gift we're given is not some tangible thing, nor the most beautiful.  Sometimes, the greatest gift comes when someone we love more than any and everything...walks away.  It is only then that we are left, to ourselves, by ourselves, in order to heal the wounds, and conceal our battle scars.

It was then, and only then, that I was able to experience what real strength felt like.   

I know many people who feel the need to create chaos within a situation where chaos needs not exist.  Both women and men seem to feel like a person they feel an affinity toward does not care about them unless there is some complicated situation that exists within the relationship.  This notion is one of madness.  It's the dumbest thing a person can do to him/herself.  I have heard a man say, "Oh, I'm jealous.  That's a good thing."  Boy, be quiet.  That is nonsense.  I have also heard a woman say, "I like to get mad at him over nothing every once in a while, it shows him that I'm passionate."  I think she mistook passion for insanity.  Since when are jealousy and misguided anger good things when it comes to those we supposedly care about?

I guess I'm just different.  I try not to bring out the ugliness in people.  Relationships without peace are not relationships I find value in.  By feeling, as well as observing my way through what keeps meaningful relationships meaningful, I don't dwell on stuff that makes me feel bad.  I have unintentionally developed a few rules that I subconsciously follow when it comes to how I deal with people I  care about.  I realize that the words Never, Always, and Forever are unrealistic and overused, but for emphasis, I will use them.

In no particular order:

Efforts Toward Drama Reduction

The Platinum Rule

Emotionally speaking, Handle people the way THEY want to be handled.  I am not egocentric enough to believe that people want to be handled the same way as me.  How they want to be handled has nothing to do with what I want.  I observe and learn before I act.  

Be Honest 

As a human being, sure, the slip of the tongue is a temptation, but it is not inevitable.  There is no valid excuse for lying, unless I am trying to protect someone from information that can really harm them.

Be Kind 

Being nice has been viewed by many - mostly by people who are assholes, as a weakness.  It's not.  It makes my life a more pleasant place to live, while making people around me feel special.  Taking out my bad day on a poor, innocent loved one will only keep me feeling bad and will make someone feel unnecessarily worse.

Do Not Subject One's Self to Unlikable People

This one is easy.  If I don't like you, I won't see you.  Why would I put myself in a situation that calls for tolerating someone I do not want to be around?  Unless it's a coworker, or a family member I see like, once every ten years, I am not obligated, so I don't do it.

Learn When to Stop Turning the Other Cheek

I expect people to screw up.  It's a part of life.  There is a difference between being human and someone who straight up does not give a damn about me.  Sure, the Bible says... But if I don't end the madness, I can't expect anyone else to end it for me.  I prefer this sentiment, "Once you turn the other cheek, and it too, is smitten, walk away in order to help the striker to stop striking."  If someone hurts me once, and I want to forgive them, fine.  But I can't be surprised after the second, third, fourth, fiftieth times.

Douchebags Do Not Magically Turn into Puppies 

No matter how much I love a person, I know that nothing I say or do will make him/her change.  Loving someone means loving unconditionally, meaning, I knew how they were before I loved them.  Expecting them to change because of me is unfair to both them and me.

When Something Bugs Me, I'm Gonna Tell You

Of course I will address the issue in a calm, collected manner.  I will be nice about it, but we will have a discussion.  I have a hard time tiptoeing around things, and I used to keep it in, so as not to risk exploding on someone, but that is not the healthiest way to cope.  Plus, if I don't say, how will they know?

Want, Not Need

I need air, water, food.  I don't need someone.  The people in my life are here because I want them to be here.  Needing a man or a friend happens when there has been a life trauma.  Under normal circumstances, I can't wrap my mind around needing someone as being a healthy mindset.  "I want you."  Sounds a heck of a lot better (and more sane, in my opinion), than "I need you."  I have heard this, it scared me enough to make me run far, far away.

Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice

Although the "I Told You So," moments are projected to be gratifying, they really aren't that big of a deal.  It's like watching a train crash, while I'm jumping up and down in the grass by the tracks yelling, begging, screaming for the conductor to hit the brakes, but they won't.  All they see is the mural painted on the brick wall.  The wall does not exist for them until they smash into it.  Same thing with bad situations + relationships + stubborn people.

Be a Source of Encouragement

Unless I have walked in their shoes, worn their outfit, glasses, seen what they have seen, heard what they've heard, felt what they've felt...I know I have no place to make a judgement, I can only cheer them on.  People who ask for advice are different, although even in this case, people will only learn through experience.

Be the Type of Person You Want to be Around

If you like happy people, be happy.  If you like miserable people, be miserable.  If you like smart people, brush up on your knowledge.  If you like people who bring you cupcakes, bring people cupcakes.  If you like getting compliments, give them.  Even if it isn't reciprocated, it keeps me happy (not to be confused with the Platinum Rule.) 

Always Forgive

The phrase, "Love your enemies." is not meant for my enemies; it was meant for me.  I do not want to hold in my heart the wrongs that have been done against me if I want to live a happy life.  From experience, I know that when I hold on to what's negative, it will somehow manifest itself in my existence.  Grudges are simply not worth it.  I go through the thing, learn something, forgive, then let go.

 There is no magic formula when it comes to dealing with people I love and how crazy they have driven me.  Although at one point, I thought this was the trick: 

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I became a hermit because it became difficult to trust anyone around me.  But keeping too closely to myself, I realize, is not a healthy state. I learned that being guarded is necessary, especially when I love someone - I always have to remember love myself more.  After all, no one is expected to give me protection if I do not make the effort to protect myself.  

I'm a realist.  I know what to expect of people.  I don't expect everyone to be like the friend/boyfriend before them, but I do know that I could love Someone until the ends of the Earth, but that will not stop Them from lying, cheating, or doing wrong by me.  I am well aware of this.  We humans are feeble minded and error-prone.  I'll be the first to admit it - I will do what will benefit me.  The reason I will do my best to not lie, not cheat, not do wrong by someone, is because I love Them enough to be good to them.  Isn't this how we all really are?

Whenever I'm in town - when I'm home, I run in my favorite park.  For the past six years, hitting the pavement has been an escape for me.  I run toward my bliss.  One of my park mates is an elderly lady who I often see when she walks her two dogs.  One is a dachshund (Hercules), and the other is a lhasa apso (Salsa).  Three years ago, she and I began talking, and every once in a while, we run into each other.  For an eighty-three year old, she looks amazing.  She has bright eyes, toned arms and legs, and an attitude about life I can only hope to grow into.  She lived through World War II, the women's rights era, civil rights movement among others, and  I appreciate her perspective.  Today, she and I got caught in the rain, and we had a chat in a gazebo that was longer than usual.  She told me about her life, and about when she was a young woman, "...females were not really allowed to work.  They could become nurses, or librarians (not teachers), or they got married.  Those were the choices."  She then asked me for my age and when I told her I am twenty-five, and her eyes lit up and she said, with the utmost sincerity, 

"At that age, you can be anything in the world you want to be.  You can do whatever you want." 

She is a widow who has five grown children.  She asked me if I have a family of my own, and I reassured her that I have other plans with my life, to which she replied,

"Marriage is not for everyone.  I don't think everyone should get married.  When you get married, you become a slave to your husband, and when you have kids, you become a slave to your husband and your kids.  When your husband dies, and your children are young, you're still a slave to your kids, and when your kids are grown and you're old, you're a slave to your dogs."  

I told her how much I appreciated the sentiment, because I often meet people who are baffled at my singlehood, and at times have even questioned my sexual preference.  I sometimes feel strange for being happily free.  

"Oh, that's just stupid.  Forget what anyone else says.  It's your life.  You do what you want.  Whatever makes you happy, that's all that matters."

Spoken by a woman who has lived through over four generations.  Less than twenty years shy of a century, this stranger repeats a sentiment reiterated to me time and time again.  Today, I left the park a different person than I came. 

All my life, I have been so blessed by people, especially strangers, both young and old, who share with me the light that is their wish for my happiness.  I have been sent cheerleaders, and it is my hope that as a living tribute to Ms. Ruth, and to all those who have wished me happiness, to echo the same wish for happiness to You, My Dearest, Lovely Reader.  

"If you want to be happy, then be."

I don't...

...know what happened between then and now, but I am thrilled with how it is now, and I know that it will only get better.

...believe in cheating.  I believe in knowing when it's over, and graciously ending a situation before it gets ugly.

...know if people realize that I am not naive.  I know that the world isn't all cupcakes and love and hearts and rainbows.  I have looked hatred in the face.  I have felt what ugly can do to another person.  Those things makes the little sweet moments so much sweeter.

...have any regrets.  Life did not chew me up and spit me out.  Everything that happened to me, everything I chose to do, all contributed to the next phase, and the next, and the next.

...ever expect anyone to act any less or more than human.  People make mistakes.  People will more often than not, act on behalf of their well-being, and their well-being alone.  Freaks of nature do things on behalf of others.  That is the reason they face so much resistance.  


...see myself the way everyone sees me, and I like it that way.