You are the master of your destiny.  Whether you want to accept that responsibility or not is irrelevant.  Things in life happen only if you allow them to.  Mind you, I do believe in the higher power that creates and controls the energy that exists within the Universe, but without you, your past, your present, your future...simply would not exist.

The future belongs to the one who will live through it.  The past belongs to the one who has become better from it.  The present is what makes the time ahead possible.  People are so quick to wash their hands of control over the future, or emotions, or circumstances.  It's imperative that we realize that yes, there are things that happen in life that are beyond the realm of human control.  Although the action that ensues the circumstance is entirely based upon will.  Even every reaction is will-based.

Only you can decide what you want, and only you can make it happen for yourself.  Don't ever look at that as anything less than an amazing gift. 

When I run outside, I encounter butterflies.  They either fly behind me or almost fly into me, and no matter how many times I see one, each time is like the first and I catch myself staring.   Perhaps I was a butterfly in my past life.

Maybe they're reminders that no matter what transformation I have to go through, my time in the cocoon will be well worth it.  When the time is right - I'm ready, I'll fly freely, too.

Dearest Past,

You were exactly what you needed to be to me.  If it had not been for you, I would not be here as I am now.  You loved me, taught me, enriched me, encouraged me, confided in me, hated me, ridiculed me, betrayed me, neglected me, and thankfully, you let me move forward.  You did all that you should have, in order to mold me into the woman I am today.  I can not change you, and I realize that wasting my remaining moments on the things I should have, could have, might have proves to be detrimental to my present.  You have given me such beautiful gifts along the way, and for that I will be forever grateful.

In order for me to move forward in love, I must forgive myself, so that I may forgive others.  It is in my best interest to let you go.  You have done what you needed to for me, and I hope I justified the time I was granted.  There are no mistakes, only lessons.  I have learned from the bad, and smile upon the memories of the good.

This moment is all I have.  My remaining moments become less and less each second.  I can not afford to waste one second more on anything less than peace.

All my gratitude,

      

Dearest Reader,

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!  I see regular blog readers from Orlando, Jacksonville, and Canada.  Also, thank you to my international readers who even go so far as to translate their taste of Raw Honey.  I love you and thank you for checking out my thoughts!

All my affection,
Veronica

Most of the accomplishments worth undertaking are ever easy.  The process of getting from Point A to Point B makes getting to Point B worth the effort.  

This can be applied to anything, whether it be about getting nearly a decade's worth of post-secondary education, to landing a job, to getting over a break-up, or learning something new about one's self.

The cost of the outcome is the $truggle.  

I will apply this to situations that occur on a mundane basis.  I am rarely sick, and I have succumb to the flu for the past six days.  I loathe the sensation of being physically incapacitated.  I don't know about you, but when I first feel ill, I am in denial and want to do all the normal things I do had I not come down with some ailment.  I try to be up and about, I even try exercising it out (I ran six miles in forty minutes until I felt truly rotten).  Mentally allowing myself to be ill is somewhat of a process.  Then, it hits, and I become exhausted to the point of becoming unable to rise from bed.  About two days into being sick, I forgot what it felt like to be well.  I then remembered that whenever I was well, I forget what being sick felt like, although I know I dislike it immensely (not that anyone likes to be sick), but it made me think about how wired we are to live in the moment.  When I am weakened by sickness in bed, all I am is is ill, and being well becomes a distant, foreign experience.

As much as I forgot what being well was like, I at least knew I had something wonderful to look forward to.

Suffering through the flu was a reminder that I had being well to look forward to.  Dumb reminder, I know, but the feeling of peace that comes with knowing that the outcome will be better than the process felt familiar. Kind of like whenever I felt famished to the point of vertigo and nausea, but not panicked because I knew I would soon be fed; suffering through the tedious work on a project because pouring my heart and soul into it would yield nothing less than stellar results; suffering through a really awful job because money is necessary, then seeing all the zeros in my bank account.

I then remember that those situations I have taken for granted all my life, some people exist in.  That is the state within which they live.  Constant illness, hunger, thirst, injustice, working until their knuckles are bare, and laboring through the worst conditions - seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but never being able to reach it, exists all over the world, every day.  Innocent people who are born and punished for no reason, never live to feel relief.  Although my experiences in suffering are so very insignificant compared to those which exist in humanity, it is my only way to empathize.  I know I can't help strangers who are sick, starving families, those who live in a land where drought kills, hard workers who do not get compensated.

I am no one.  Just a person whose idea of suffering involves having the sniffles and laying in bed.  I do, however, know what it feels like to yearn for better.  There is still a light at the end of the tunnel, and each day, I pray and hope and work toward that result which will put me in a better position than I am in today.  While I do that; while I do what I need to for myself, I try to do what I can for those who have nothing but hope and faith that someday they will feel better, food will come, clean water will be pumped, and fair wages will be granted to them.

It is 2011, and today is Women's Equality Day.  I am not sure what I should be celebrating.  Anatomically, I don't ever expect to equal a man.  A man does not have the power to sustain life within him for nine months then excruciatingly give birth to that life, only to use his body to nourish it.  I get it.  This is a man's world, but technically, women already run it.

Human rights, fundamental rights bestowed upon all those who breathe on this planet are taken for granted by so many, and are denied to so many more.  There is a way to help change things, even in the tiniest way possible.

The beauty in suffering is that it is the one thing all members of the human race have in common.

It makes some of us MAD AS HELL

It REFRESHES some of us...

It INSPIRES us to bring healing to others...

It gives us HOPE for a future to believe in....

It EMPOWERS us to protect the POWERLESS...

It shows us how BLESSED we are, so that we can SHARE the blessings with others...

It makes us want to EASE the suffering of others.

To put is simply, SUFFERING makes us ONE.

Some people who see me automatically think that I'm this snobby, presumptuous bitch.  Which is a valid assumption.  I am well aware of the fact that I carry myself in a certain way.  Until I open my mouth, I have a somewhat cold demeanor.  I don't smile very often at people because I notice that whenever I do, they talk to me, and as much as I love people, sometimes, I just don't feel like indulging in small talk with strangers.  I can't tell you how many times a person has told me, "When I first met you, I thought you were stuck-up, but once we started talking, I realized you're a really goofy, funny, warm person."  I mention this because I realize where they're coming from.  I respect their perspective.  I can't blame them for assuming the worst, as most people do, because it's better to be pleasantly surprised than it is to be disappointed.

Lately, I have been watching the lives of those I love unfold around me.  Chapters which lasted decades have seen their final punctuation mark and the next chapter is now being written.  Most people I know and love are very blessed.  

It began with a thought.  They either had this idea for a better direction in life, or they decided they were no longer satisfied with the way things were happening for them, and they worked and strove toward the goal they decided for themselves, and they prayed.  I have known many people who have worked hard and prayed hard and got what they wanted and wished and cried and prayed for, and still were not satisfied.  I realize that some people feel a gigantic empty space within the realm of their lives, that can not be filled, no matter how great the accomplishment.  Those are never satisfied.  I also have known people who work and pray toward a goal, and when that chance comes, it is in unfamiliar territory, and out of fear, they do not take the opportunity that may have significantly, positively changed their lives.  There there are the few lucky ones, who work their will into their future, arrive at the changing point, "Grab the bull by the horns," as they say, and realize that the point to which they were brought, is exactly where they should be, and they feel blessed, looking forward to the next amazing leg of their journey.

I realize that there are many different variations of scenarios and reactions people may have to those situations.  The bottom line is, most people are never satisfied, some people allow their fear to dictate their lives, and some people find blessing in simply reaching the point they are at.  I know I am a combination of those.

I used to fall only under the category of the first two people I described.  I had everything, and still felt like had nothing.  I was constantly surrounded by people, and still felt lonely.  I lived in a gorgeous home, but still felt homeless.  I had the chance to do bigger, and better things with my life, but out of the fear of the unknown, I put the brakes on even before the engine started.  On the surface, I was this bubbly, cheerful person, but inside, I was in shambles.  To be honest, I don't remember a lot about how I felt, nor how my thought processes went, all I know is that I can look at photographs of my old self and not recognize that person.  Is this something I beat myself up for?  No.  There's not reason to look back and regret.    

The beauty of struggle is, when it's over, and you're still here, even if you're cut and bruised , that means you won.      

Being unhappy is a pretty shitty way to live.  It is a choice most people lazily allow themselves to default to, because they feel like the circumstances which surround them are beyond their control.  This is true.  We can not control the external circumstances in which we are immersed, we can only control the ways in which we deal with them.  This brings me to one of my most favorite sentiments, via Gabrielle Bernstein,

"If your happiness is based on external experience, then, my darling, you are fucked."

I admire how effectively the f-bomb is used here, and she is absolutely right!

I don't want to change the way people perceive me, I'd rather affect their emotion while they spend time with me.

I don't expect people who get what they want to think that life is all cupcakes and butterflies, because this world can be a scary, nasty place.  However, you are only defeated when you've chosen to believe you are defeated.  You are only a victim when you allow yourself to be victimized.  Yes, people are awful and can do horrible things to you, but it is within you to overcome them, and the unthinkable situations that have happened to people.  Things can always be worse.  This is when mental fortitude and spiritual resilience comes in.  Nobody said this world would be gentle.  It is within you to make this life worth living.    

I don't expect people to dive into their manifested dreams fearlessly and without caution, but I do hope that they believe in themselves enough to give themselves a chance to at least take the first steps to allow themselves to get where they always thought they wanted to go.

As for my miraculously having turned from a pessimistic ingrate into the perpetually at-peace version of myself - It took conscious effort to shift perspective.  Before, I simply didn't realize that it was within my capacity to change my thoughts and feelings about life.  My life is pretty rad.  I'm not bragging, I just wish that more people would feel the same way, because, Folks, this life is the only one you'll have...in this body, with those people whom you love.  This is it.  This isn't rehearsals.  You don't get the double take.  After this perspective, I'm not sure what the next one will be like, but it's better to appreciate it now because in terms of time, and how much time there is, and how little time we have; Life is a Fleeting Moment.  Make sure you approach each with a perspective that'll make the following moments just that much better than the ones before.

I remember a conversation I had with a good friend a couple of months ago.  She shall remain nameless, because I love her that much.  About two years ago, I came home a broken woman.  I literally got to hit the refresh button on my life and had the opportunity to reinvent myself, which is a privilege all people deserve to be able to go through, but only few take advantage of their opportunities to do so.  One way in which I dealt with the mess I had just gone through, was to inundate my mind and soul with uplifting nuggets of encouragement.  Quotes, if you will...that helped my days end brightly when they began shrouded in darkness.  One of the quotes I fervently cling to, even to this day, is

You are STRONGER than you FEEL,

You are SMARTER than you THINK,

and

You are more BEAUTIFUL than you'll ever SEE.

 Now, I'm not claiming no one had ever put this sentence together and said it before me.  It just happened to help me through some things, and it's one thing I constantly tell my friends who do not see themselves as the strong, intelligent, gorgeous creatures they really are.  The situation I was discussing with my friend did not apply to this statement, which she used in an attempt to console me.  I already knew this.  I whole-heartedly believe this.  I don't know why it irked me so that the girl couldn't seem to find her own words.  She can't even seem to find her own way.  She always has to have someone to cling to, no matter how dangerous that person is.  She reminds me of a younger, more naive version of myself.  

I had to step away from the situation and tell my ego to shut the fuck up.  Who am I to be irritated by a person who loves me and is just trying to help me through my struggle?  Ego has no place in love.

I have been working on squelching the effect my ego has on my relationships - both with myself, and with others.  It's one of the many things I struggle with.  I consciously shape my thoughts around humility, so as not to place myself neither above nor below others.  It's tough, I gotta tell you.  I have to be mindful of what thoughts I allow to pass through my brain.  Until recently, I was a egomaniac.  When I realized it gets in the way of things - important connections with people, I knew I had to get it in check.  I first began exercising my thought process by thinking of one good thing about every person I saw for one month.  I intentionally didn't apply it to only people I met, because I wanted to apply it to people I saw on television, in the movies, or ones I read about.  If there were no people to apply it to, I applied it to places, and yes, things.  That exercise changed my life.  I felt responsible for the energy I put out there.  For the first time in my life, I was able to take accountability for my thoughts.  We often forget...

Our thoughts are the foundation for our words and actions.

I have never, in my life, stopped myself so many times and asked, "Who the hell do you think you are?"  It has been a good thing.  My exercise in humility is one I refuse to stop repeating.  The world feels different.  I am also aware that people see only what I want them to see, but that those who know better will see through anything less than genuine.  

Try it for a month.  Find one good thing about any person and any thing you come across.  I know pessimists probably think this is a dumb experiment and is a waste of time, but let's not forget that you exist only in the world you have created for yourself.  If you think everything/everyone sucks, then they/it will.  If you believe that there is happiness and beauty around you, that's what will be around you.  I promise, this will make you see the world differently.

I know so many women who follow around men they fancy.  I don't get it.  Should it not be the other way around?  Now, I am no expert of any sort on the matter, but I do know that when a man wants something, whether it be an object, or an object of his lust/affection, he will go to many lengths go get what he wants.  That is just how men are programmed.  In having said that, there is a moment in which he will get tired, or will find another new, shiny object to occupy his obsession.  Ladies don't need to chase.  Of course he'll give in to you, you're making it too easy for him to refuse.  That isn't a compliment.  It isn't an insult, either.

Men are simple creatures.  Crazy, but simple.  If you want to keep him happy, you feed him, and share yourself with him.  That does not mean he will stay around, but hopefully you can eat with him, and you enjoy his intimacy.  Sounds like a win/win situation, if you ask me.  Emotions come flooding and will take over only if I allow them to.  I believe it's irresponsible to think that I have no control over the emotions I allow myself to feel.  I also have the choice to feel them, then let them go.

There is too much pressure in this society to be something to someone, and as a woman of modern times, I am constantly reminded that if I play my cards right, I will be everything to one person.  I am not OK with that notion.  I don't believe it exists.  I am not naive enough to think that I have everything one man wants in my 5'5" 115-lb frame.  I believe that every person in my life, whether he/she is in my past or present, as been in my life in order to serve me a purpose.  I have learned a lesson from everyone whom I've known or spoken to, then when the time comes, I either let them go, or hold on to them.  I don't need to be surrounded by people who kiss my ass in order to make me feel like a competent, good human being.  I am a little fish swimming against the tide in the sense that most people feel they need people in order to be well.  Sure, I adore my family, and my very few, close friends, but during my crises, I was left to my own devices, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I feel it to be unfair to imagine that one person can fix all that ails me in this world.

In order to properly love another soul in this world, we must first and foremostly, love OURSELVES.

I know many people who feel the need to create chaos within a situation where chaos needs not exist.  Both women and men seem to feel like a person they feel an affinity toward does not care about them unless there is some complicated situation that exists within the relationship.  This notion is one of madness.  It's the dumbest thing a person can do to him/herself.  I have heard a man say, "Oh, I'm jealous.  That's a good thing."  Boy, be quiet.  That is nonsense.  I have also heard a woman say, "I like to get mad at him over nothing every once in a while, it shows him that I'm passionate."  I think she mistook passion for insanity.  Since when are jealousy and misguided anger good things when it comes to those we supposedly care about?

I guess I'm just different.  I try not to bring out the ugliness in people.  Relationships without peace are not relationships I find value in.  By feeling, as well as observing my way through what keeps meaningful relationships meaningful, I don't dwell on stuff that makes me feel bad.  I have unintentionally developed a few rules that I subconsciously follow when it comes to how I deal with people I  care about.  I realize that the words Never, Always, and Forever are unrealistic and overused, but for emphasis, I will use them.

In no particular order:

Efforts Toward Drama Reduction

The Platinum Rule

Emotionally speaking, Handle people the way THEY want to be handled.  I am not egocentric enough to believe that people want to be handled the same way as me.  How they want to be handled has nothing to do with what I want.  I observe and learn before I act.  

Be Honest 

As a human being, sure, the slip of the tongue is a temptation, but it is not inevitable.  There is no valid excuse for lying, unless I am trying to protect someone from information that can really harm them.

Be Kind 

Being nice has been viewed by many - mostly by people who are assholes, as a weakness.  It's not.  It makes my life a more pleasant place to live, while making people around me feel special.  Taking out my bad day on a poor, innocent loved one will only keep me feeling bad and will make someone feel unnecessarily worse.

Do Not Subject One's Self to Unlikable People

This one is easy.  If I don't like you, I won't see you.  Why would I put myself in a situation that calls for tolerating someone I do not want to be around?  Unless it's a coworker, or a family member I see like, once every ten years, I am not obligated, so I don't do it.

Learn When to Stop Turning the Other Cheek

I expect people to screw up.  It's a part of life.  There is a difference between being human and someone who straight up does not give a damn about me.  Sure, the Bible says... But if I don't end the madness, I can't expect anyone else to end it for me.  I prefer this sentiment, "Once you turn the other cheek, and it too, is smitten, walk away in order to help the striker to stop striking."  If someone hurts me once, and I want to forgive them, fine.  But I can't be surprised after the second, third, fourth, fiftieth times.

Douchebags Do Not Magically Turn into Puppies 

No matter how much I love a person, I know that nothing I say or do will make him/her change.  Loving someone means loving unconditionally, meaning, I knew how they were before I loved them.  Expecting them to change because of me is unfair to both them and me.

When Something Bugs Me, I'm Gonna Tell You

Of course I will address the issue in a calm, collected manner.  I will be nice about it, but we will have a discussion.  I have a hard time tiptoeing around things, and I used to keep it in, so as not to risk exploding on someone, but that is not the healthiest way to cope.  Plus, if I don't say, how will they know?

Want, Not Need

I need air, water, food.  I don't need someone.  The people in my life are here because I want them to be here.  Needing a man or a friend happens when there has been a life trauma.  Under normal circumstances, I can't wrap my mind around needing someone as being a healthy mindset.  "I want you."  Sounds a heck of a lot better (and more sane, in my opinion), than "I need you."  I have heard this, it scared me enough to make me run far, far away.

Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice

Although the "I Told You So," moments are projected to be gratifying, they really aren't that big of a deal.  It's like watching a train crash, while I'm jumping up and down in the grass by the tracks yelling, begging, screaming for the conductor to hit the brakes, but they won't.  All they see is the mural painted on the brick wall.  The wall does not exist for them until they smash into it.  Same thing with bad situations + relationships + stubborn people.

Be a Source of Encouragement

Unless I have walked in their shoes, worn their outfit, glasses, seen what they have seen, heard what they've heard, felt what they've felt...I know I have no place to make a judgement, I can only cheer them on.  People who ask for advice are different, although even in this case, people will only learn through experience.

Be the Type of Person You Want to be Around

If you like happy people, be happy.  If you like miserable people, be miserable.  If you like smart people, brush up on your knowledge.  If you like people who bring you cupcakes, bring people cupcakes.  If you like getting compliments, give them.  Even if it isn't reciprocated, it keeps me happy (not to be confused with the Platinum Rule.) 

Always Forgive

The phrase, "Love your enemies." is not meant for my enemies; it was meant for me.  I do not want to hold in my heart the wrongs that have been done against me if I want to live a happy life.  From experience, I know that when I hold on to what's negative, it will somehow manifest itself in my existence.  Grudges are simply not worth it.  I go through the thing, learn something, forgive, then let go.

 There is no magic formula when it comes to dealing with people I love and how crazy they have driven me.  Although at one point, I thought this was the trick: 

http://sarahchampion.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83452d66d69e20133f2bb9f4c970b-450wi

I became a hermit because it became difficult to trust anyone around me.  But keeping too closely to myself, I realize, is not a healthy state. I learned that being guarded is necessary, especially when I love someone - I always have to remember love myself more.  After all, no one is expected to give me protection if I do not make the effort to protect myself.  

I'm a realist.  I know what to expect of people.  I don't expect everyone to be like the friend/boyfriend before them, but I do know that I could love Someone until the ends of the Earth, but that will not stop Them from lying, cheating, or doing wrong by me.  I am well aware of this.  We humans are feeble minded and error-prone.  I'll be the first to admit it - I will do what will benefit me.  The reason I will do my best to not lie, not cheat, not do wrong by someone, is because I love Them enough to be good to them.  Isn't this how we all really are?

Whenever I'm in town - when I'm home, I run in my favorite park.  For the past six years, hitting the pavement has been an escape for me.  I run toward my bliss.  One of my park mates is an elderly lady who I often see when she walks her two dogs.  One is a dachshund (Hercules), and the other is a lhasa apso (Salsa).  Three years ago, she and I began talking, and every once in a while, we run into each other.  For an eighty-three year old, she looks amazing.  She has bright eyes, toned arms and legs, and an attitude about life I can only hope to grow into.  She lived through World War II, the women's rights era, civil rights movement among others, and  I appreciate her perspective.  Today, she and I got caught in the rain, and we had a chat in a gazebo that was longer than usual.  She told me about her life, and about when she was a young woman, "...females were not really allowed to work.  They could become nurses, or librarians (not teachers), or they got married.  Those were the choices."  She then asked me for my age and when I told her I am twenty-five, and her eyes lit up and she said, with the utmost sincerity, 

"At that age, you can be anything in the world you want to be.  You can do whatever you want." 

She is a widow who has five grown children.  She asked me if I have a family of my own, and I reassured her that I have other plans with my life, to which she replied,

"Marriage is not for everyone.  I don't think everyone should get married.  When you get married, you become a slave to your husband, and when you have kids, you become a slave to your husband and your kids.  When your husband dies, and your children are young, you're still a slave to your kids, and when your kids are grown and you're old, you're a slave to your dogs."  

I told her how much I appreciated the sentiment, because I often meet people who are baffled at my singlehood, and at times have even questioned my sexual preference.  I sometimes feel strange for being happily free.  

"Oh, that's just stupid.  Forget what anyone else says.  It's your life.  You do what you want.  Whatever makes you happy, that's all that matters."

Spoken by a woman who has lived through over four generations.  Less than twenty years shy of a century, this stranger repeats a sentiment reiterated to me time and time again.  Today, I left the park a different person than I came. 

All my life, I have been so blessed by people, especially strangers, both young and old, who share with me the light that is their wish for my happiness.  I have been sent cheerleaders, and it is my hope that as a living tribute to Ms. Ruth, and to all those who have wished me happiness, to echo the same wish for happiness to You, My Dearest, Lovely Reader.  

"If you want to be happy, then be."

When we first adopted this little Westie Mix from Animal Rescue in Florida, she was a mess.  She was malnourished, had not been leash-trained, and did not know how come, neither when we called her by her old name, nor by her new one.  Hannah has come a long way...

She had been so malnourished that her fur did not grow.  She lives a different life now.  Every helpless animal deserves a new chance at a new life.  I, personally, would never buy a dog or cat.  There are countless furry friends out there who need a good home.  The site I found Hannah through is Petfinder.  Petfinder is a database for adoptable animals that have gone through the rescue process.  Most cats and dogs listed on Petfinder has been through the ASPCA, or is currently there, waiting to be adopted.  Take Bear, for example.  He was rescued from a high-kill shelter.  

He is now a member of our family.  He is happy, playful, and is one heck of a guard dog.  I recommend adopting a pet from rescue to anyone who is looking to add to their family.  With a lot of love and a little patience, rescue animals will prove to be an integral element of what makes home feel like home. 

On January 12, 2010, the Earth both shook and stood still for millions of people.  Lives were lost.  Families were displaced.  After the devastating earthquake that ravaged Haiti, everyone knew that life there was never going to be the same.  To this day, rubble is still everywhere; there are more villages comprised of tents than there are neighborhoods of homes.  More than 2 million Haitians are still homeless.


Of the lives that were, lost, I heard insensitive comments, including, "That was God's way of controlling the population."  


...Are you kidding me?  


I realize that this world is full of ignorant and insensitive people.  Oafs such as the source of that awful comment, no longer surprise me.  


On March 11, I received a tweet alert from the Breaking News Organization regarding an earthquake in Japan.  I immediately sat up from my prior horizontal position in bed and began scouring the internet for updates using my smartphone.  I have family in the Philippines and wanted to know exactly which region of Japan was affected, and the likelihood of a tsunami reaching my family members.  When I found out the magnitude of the quake, I was speechless and felt helpless.  Thankful that my beloveds were in a safe zone, if there is one in this case, I was terrified for all who will be affected.  No doubt this is one of the most devastating natural disasters in recent history.  Besides Japan itself having been moved eight feet, the Earth's axis has also shifted.  

This map depicts the expected path of tsunami created by the shift in the Earth's tectonic plates that were the cause of the earthquake in Japan.  The Earth's lithosphere is made of tectonic plates (also known as lithospheric plates) that shift and collide erratically.  Here's is a geography lesson for those less informed regarding the younger face of the Earth that is better known as Pangaea.  

Rewind 250 million years...

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/content/animals/images/evolution_pangaea-big.gif

Pangaea was a megacontinent, if you will(top depiction), comprised of all the continents we recognize today(second from top).  I am no expert on anything, least of all on geography, but the fact is that the Earth's land masses are constantly changing.  If all 7 billion of us had lived on the land mass that is known as Pangaea -  if the land masses never shifted apart, I do believe we would have been an extinct species long ago.  I highly doubt all the nations of people could function in such proximity.  My point is, I think too many of us lose sight of the fact that this planet we live on is, for a lack of better term, alive.  There is constant movement.  From floods to hurricanes, droughts to volcanic eruptions, we are at the mercy of the changes our environments undergo.  Many earthlings have forgotten that.  

We treat this planet the way we treat each other.  We stay for a few years, use/abuse/reuse the resources, and then...we bounce.  

I can't imagine that any group of people deserve a natural event of cataclysmic proportion.  As some like to state that this was an act of God, because people are evil, etc., etc.  People are always going to be people.  Good, bad, or indifferent, our history exists because neither a geological catastrophe, nor an astronomical one, has yet to wipe out the human race.  The Earth moves constantly.  It's just that sometimes, this is the result.  

http://raincoaster.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/japan-earthquake-tokyo-fires.png?w=535&h=357

It is just unfortunate that people happen to be in the midst of it.  I think we forget that on any land form resting on a tectonic plate, this could result.  This could happen any where, at any time, with us feeble humans being, once again, at Mother Nature's mercy.  Keep in mind those who are closely affected by natural disasters such as this, because as trite as the notion is, it is the truth.  

"What happens to one of us, can happen to all of us."

Well, my goodness...  It has been quite I while since I last wrote publicly, since I have, since January deactivated my Facebook page.  Everyone it seems, dove face-first into the social media trend out of boredom, loneliness, or both.  When I first started using Myspace over a decade ago, and eventually signed up for Facebook around 2006, I did so mainly to keep in better touch with family I have overseas.  Then came the need to keep in better touch with those I created fragile bonds with in elementary, middle, then high school.  This, thing...this newly-found need I felt was necessary in order to feel some kind of connection to people, almost a billion people can relate to.  I never thought of myself as the type of person to need to hide from others, or to shield myself from those who do not mean me well.  During the advent of my need to let those who became part of my social world know every little detail about every mundane action that was a part of my life, it became overkill.  During my late teens, early twenties, there were the atypical scandalous photos, depicting me in my less sober moments.  The occasional scribble that indicated the debauchery I was once so famous among my social circle for.  The little pleasures that I meant to enjoy privately, yet ended up somehow posting about while it was still happening, as if the publicity of it made the moment all the more delicious.  I did not like the trend I was noticing.  I felt like my actions were meaningless unless any and everyone connected to me knew what I was up to.  It felt unhealthy.  Everyday occurrences no longer felt organic.  At one point a couple of years ago, because of the circus that had become my life, I felt like a freak show.  Even acquaintances I only saw every once in a while pointed out my reckless habits.  

After spending some time in the cocoon I am still indulging in, I now realize what my problem was.  Like most people, I was constantly surrounded by people, and still felt lonely.  I wasn't ever sad about it, nor did I dwell on it, but I felt like the more people knew about what I was doing, what I was up to, the more they would care.  I guess that's what I used to tell myself.  Dependence upon social media, or addiction to airing dirty laundry can be either therapeutic or very dangerous.  Given the number of people who are addicted to media, whether it be via smart phone, Facebook, Twitter, etc., I don't think the coming generations will have a proper grasp of what it is to make that human connection.  I often see teenagers texting each other, while alone, as they sit side by side on a bench.  I see men and women at the park, briskly walking toward a more healthy version of themselves - while talking on their cell phones.  It makes me wonder if this nearly unhealthy need to keep in touch is the result of extremely busy, productive lives, or a futile attempt to avoid loneliness.

In my humble opinion, a person who is surrounded by people can feel lonely, for loneliness is a choice.  It isn't a sickness, it's a human condition.  Take myself, for example.  I spend most of my time alone.  This is done deliberately.  I relish in the time I have in solitude.

To put it in terms less abstract, you can say I feel like the moon.  There are stars surrounding it, from far away, it knows that they are out there, they are always going to be scattered about it's proximity, with a few that fly by every once in a while.  But the moon does its job.  It shines brightly, happily in the darkness, cutting the black of night with its glowing, cratered face.  

Today would have been Dr. Martin Luther King's eighty-second birthday.  I wish he would lived to see the progress the United States has made as a people to become more tolerant of those who are not the same as the majority.  How much progress have we made?  There is no doubt that the American Civil Rights movement has brought about change in regards to attempting to set an equal playing field amongst a group of people who belong in the same nation.

I question why this even had to be an issue in the first place.  History states that descendants of the Europeans and the British who wiped out the gracious Native Americans felt the right to enslave a whole group people on the basis that they were different.  Needless to say, civilizations around the globe have employed others as slaves.  What gives any group of people to treat another group of people as inferior?  Upon what basis is the justification of mistreating others acceptable?

Why is it that ethnicities for the African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, and Pacific Islanders in America is actually an element that still proves to be a disadvantage?  I can not wrap my mind around the notion that being different is a bad thing.  Just because someone is different does not make them bad.  Not understanding someone's customs does not make them any less or more.  Xenophobia is a foreign notion to me, yet I realize it runs rampant in the realm of society and politics.

As a Filipina in the US, I have thankfully not seen the staunch and offensive prejudice that has been described to me.  There have been a couple of occasions at the most, but for the most part, fitting in has never been a problem.  However, I was blown away by a comment a man I once dated made.  He said that he did not believe in the Civil Rights Movement.  He didn't think that Affirmitive Action was necessary.  He was born into a middle-class family and was of German descent.  I don't think he'll ever understand.  It isn't about race, it's about treating each other like people.  We all deserve an opportunity, respect, and justice.  Judging someone by the color of their skin is a notion that is alien to me.  I don't believe in it.  I guess I am considered naive because I believe in loving everyone, giving everyone a chance.

If Dr. King were alive today, would he be proud?  Of course we have more work to be done.  We still have healing to do after centuries of prejudice and the oppression of those who are different.  As a nation, we've come a long way, but we still have a long, long way to go.

One Love

In honor of Thanksgiving, I did not want to limit myself to one day.  So, I started a tradition last year that helped me become a more appreciative person.  For every day in the month of November, I would think in my life, either major or frivolous, that I am thankful for.  This will be edited daily, or as often as I have time, for the sake of the list.

11.1.10

I am thankful for the innovations that people have made in order to better this world.

11.2.10

Today, I am thankful for wild animals who do not react wildly toward humans who show them love and affection.

11.3.10

I am saddened and thankful for Andy Irons, athlete extraordinare and for the legacy he has left behind.  RIP, my friend.  Ride those endless waves...

11.4.10

I am thankful for comfortable stilettos.  Sexy and functional.

11.5.10

Today, I am thankful for those who walked out of my life when they did, because that is exactly when they needed to give me the proper view.  Some people are the most beautiful when they walk away.

11.6.10

Sunshine makes me grateful for the days some weren't blessed enough to live to see.

11.7.10

I am thankful for Cupcake Vinyards Sauvignon blanc.

11.8.10

I am thankful for professors who want their students to do well.

11.9.10

Today, I am thankful to my family and friends.  The very few and special ones in my life who never hesitate to call me out on my shit.  Y'all tell me when I'm being dumb, unreasonable, and petty.  Most importantly, whenever I have felt defeated, you remind me that there is nothing in this world I can not do.

11.10.10
Crackers.  I love and miss crackers.

11.11.10
Doggies.  I am thankful for dogs.

11.12.10
Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk

11.13.10
Bikram Yoga

11.14.10
Books.  Hardback, paper back books.

11.15.10
Facts versus versions of the truth.

11.16.10
Air travel.

11.17.10
Old friends and new situations.

11.18.10
My favorite sweatpants.

11.19.10
Nice days to run at the park.

11.20.10
Bed picnics.

11.21.10
Friends who are like family

11.22.10
Jimmy Choo

11.23.10
Lattes

11.24.10
Freedom

11.25.10
Butterflies in my stomach

11.26.10
Lamb Burgers from Crave

11.27.10
Skin

11.28.10
Scented candles

11.29.10
Large, designer handbags

11.30.10
Love fixing all that ails the world...

It is well within the realm of human nature to gripe and complain.  I completely understand that every person has to vent.  However, those who stay in the perspective of completely discounting their blessings and constantly complain about every little thing in their lives have a lot of soul-searching to do.  How awful to not be able to see the forest for the trees!  The secret they don't tell us is this whole life experience, because experience is all life is, is based on perspective.  The most desperate of situations have the tendency to either bring out the best, or the worst in people.  Sometimes, it takes an unbelievably traumatic event to change one's perspective on life, and to see how blessed they are.  That's what happened to me.  I can relate.  I used to be a complete and total, for lack of better term, basket case.  I was shallow, judgmental, quick to poke fun, and too big for my britches.  All my life I was taught to be sweet, to be good.  I was instructed from a very early age to treat people with dignity, kindness, and respect.  


It was my fallacy and downfall that I viewed these qualities as weaknesses.  You see, I once thought I was entitled.  I thought I deserved whatever attention or benefits I received, simply because of how ______ I thought I was.  The most humbling experience came from the most unexpected place - more to come about exactly where that place is.  To make a long story short, I used to have my head so far up my ass, I couldn't appreciate how special the people who surrounded me were.  Fast forward five years.  I realize now something I would have never thought of before.  I guess this is where maturity comes in.


I am nobody.  I am owed nothing.  I am no better or worse than anyone.  When good things happen to me, it is not because I deserve it, it is because it is a gift that was bestowed upon me.  The most beautiful person who has an ugly way of dealing with people will never be completely beautiful.  Those people rot from the inside out.  Trust me, I know.  


There is a whole, big, sick, hateful world out there.  There is no reason or time to complain, only every reason to work toward fixing it.  Touch one person at a time.  Be grateful that this life experience is still being sustained by the breath we have been blessed with.  To judge another without having walked in their shoes brings such a disadvantage, because sometimes, the most beautiful stilettos are the most painful to walk in.  Conversely, the most tattered, old, worn-in, ugly work boots are the most comfortable and give the most support.  The most comfortable pair of shoes allow us to reach to the next point in life, where we find within us the capacity to give to strangers.  Whatever life situation strikes, whether it be good or bad, be grateful.  Because at the end of it all, you're still here.  Remember that there are those who go their lifetime without wearing any shoes.  You can change things.  You can change your life and the lives of those around you.  It's not up to anyone else how you walk.  Just make sure that you appreciate what covers your feet.  That way, every step is your "best foot forward." 

Fall is in the air.  The cool, clean, crisp smell of the outdoors is a simple reminder that winter is once again upon us.  There are few things I love more than taking a deep breath outside, right after dusk.  Ever since I was a child, I have always loved this time of the year.  I want to stay outside until winter rears its cold head.

As much as I adore autumn and the month of October, I realized something last week.  Most of the relationships I look back on and scoff about ended in the tenth month.  This year was different.  One of the most precious relationships I will ever have in my life didn't quite end in October, it changed.  My darling dog, Brandi, known by those who love her most as "Lurs," passed on after having spent the final four years of her life with me and my family.

Before her, I never knew what it felt like to fight for something that I knew in the entirety of my being was right.  You see, our story began on a blustery day in 2006.  When I met her, she had long, matted fur.  It was about 28 degrees outside, and it was raining.  She was tied to a tree.  She was emaciated and smelled awful.  The moment we set eyes upon each other, it was as if something clicked.  I instinctively knew that she was my charge.  I needed to take care of her.  Perhaps it was because of the fact that in that period of my life, my relationships were rough ones.  I had forgotten what unconditional love felt like.  I prayed, and prayed, and begged and begged for permission to be able to take her home.  She ended up in the car with us for the six hour ride home.  Rehabilitating an old dog is not a simple, nor inexpensive undertaking.  I brought her to the vet, had her groomed, adjusted her eating habits.  She was just happy to be with me.  I went back and forth between homes for some time, but when I left, no matter how long I was gone, when I came home, she was always the first to greet me.  As if she thought I would have been gone forever and all of a sudden gave her the best surprise of her life.  Lurs loved me back to sanity, and I am a better person because I had her in my life.

I have no idea what breed of dog she was, or how old she was when I began taking care of her.  All I knew is that it was the right thing to do.  So many people who knew her owner, and had an idea of her actual age.  They constantly tried to tell me how old she was, as if that would discourage me from caring for her and loving her.  I never understood why it mattered to people so much.  Love knows no age.  The point is to love unconditionally.  It is important that we learn to care for people and helpless creatures who need us.

The ability to care for those who need us is not a burden, it is a privilege.

Hair flipping at it's craziness...

This is a photo of a MESS.  Whether or not the mess is gorgeous, ugly, scary, sad, or hot is up for debate.  As you know, I have been writing...a lot.  I have about eighteen chapters of my first novel based on a true story finished.  I want twenty chapters.  It's a nice, round number.  The story is one I lived through, whether literally, or in my mind's eye.  In writing from such a raw perspective, I want to inspire those who can relate to the main character.  She experiences every single range of emotion - magnified - without the tone of the narrative being overly dramatic.  I am so very pleased with my work and am excited for the whole authoring experience to come to fruition.  Stay tuned~

Entry from 2006...I've been meaning to write about racism for a minute, but didn't have the words. I found them again. 

I watched an absolutely appalling incident occur in church. Yes, Church - where comfort, forgiveness, and redemption are sought. 

There was a small mulatto girl who sat next to her white mother. She, obviously bi-racial, was half-black. She was well behaved and did whatever her mother told her to throughout Mass. She reached out her hand to the white teenaged girl during the Our Father, who, instead of graciously accepting the young girl's hand, raised it toward the heavens, empty. She looked to her sister and giggled throughout the prayer, leaving the little one in tears, clinging to her mother. I wondered if anyone else had seen the way in which innocence had just been stolen from this child. Her mother was wiping her tears away and whispering, "It's Okay..." in an attempt to comfort the "little brown girl" whom she knows she cannot shield from the prejudice in this world.

In front of God and whoever else happened to notice the seemingly insignificant incident that the girl will never forget, the young woman, after refusing to hold her hand (shook everyone else's hand around her to say peace), proceeded to giggle and accepted the Holy Eucharist. 

I thought of all the reasons I would refuse the hand of a child, any child, and I couldn't think of one.

My emotions came in waves - shock, disappointment, sadness, and anger.

How dare anyone treat a child in that way, and still believe they are entitled to claim to be a good person? I watched her little shoulders shudder from the pain, and I wished, in that moment with all my heart, that what happened to her, happened to me instead. Yellow, almond eyed, dark-haired, me. I am older, I am accustomed to prejudice. Although I can not say that I have had more experience with ignorance than she has in her short life, which could not have possibly exceeded 8 years. It makes me wonder the number of hands that belong to others that have been denied her because she is mulatto. I have been sneered at, because I am different; I have gone on dates with men who though that racial jokes are appropriate and funny, and I, neither being black nor white, get it from every shade in the spectrum. Racism is REAL. Insecurity breeds hatred, and I will not stand for hatred to exist around me.

It boggles my mind that even in the twenty-first century, people still base how they treat each other by the color of their skin. When will we realize and accept the fact that it DOES NOT matter? It doesn't matter what shade you are, it doesn't make you better or worse.

Who you are is not based on the shade of your epithelium, who your parents are, what your net worth is. Who you are is determined by how you treat other people.

Make a difference, allow yourself to be uncomfortable by going against what society has trained you think.We have been blessed with life, which is too precious to be wasted by hating others who are different.In these beautiful multi-colored bodies we have been blessed with, we all bleed. We all love, we all feel sadness, anger, passion. 

If what I am writing makes you uncomfortable, do the world a favor - pretend you're blind for a day, see what happens. It'll be life-altering.

I don't...

...know what happened between then and now, but I am thrilled with how it is now, and I know that it will only get better.

...believe in cheating.  I believe in knowing when it's over, and graciously ending a situation before it gets ugly.

...know if people realize that I am not naive.  I know that the world isn't all cupcakes and love and hearts and rainbows.  I have looked hatred in the face.  I have felt what ugly can do to another person.  Those things makes the little sweet moments so much sweeter.

...have any regrets.  Life did not chew me up and spit me out.  Everything that happened to me, everything I chose to do, all contributed to the next phase, and the next, and the next.

...ever expect anyone to act any less or more than human.  People make mistakes.  People will more often than not, act on behalf of their well-being, and their well-being alone.  Freaks of nature do things on behalf of others.  That is the reason they face so much resistance.  


...see myself the way everyone sees me, and I like it that way.